I'm not alone.

I hope this post makes sense and isn't a bunch of rambling throughts. I've had alot on my mind the past few days and I'm a little overwhelmed. We found out yesterday that my dad, one of my best friends, has cancer. I am so sad. I feel like I'm numb and like I'm moving blindly through a state of living just getting through the day. I feel like at any second the rest of my life may come crashing down around me.

We found out a little over 24 hours ago and I've gone through so many emotions. I've cried, I've heard, I've been heartbroken, I've felt real and deep sorrow. My sister and I are handling the situation in different ways. We live together and I've noticed how differently we grieve. She just wants to be alone and think. Thinking to me brings up too many emotions. I'm trying to keep myself busy and keep my mind occupied, but I'm moving through life without enthusiasm.

I have said so many prayers in the last day. I've prayed and read scriptures and tried to fill myself with as much spiritual help as possible. My parents both got blessings from my Grandpa yesterday right after they found out. I've been leaning on my friends who are so close to the spirit. I've had a prayer in my heart and mind ever since finding out. And yet I still feel alone. I know that God's plan will happen regardless of what I do, but I'm praying none-the-less. I hate hearing people say "it will be ok" or "I know how you feel". So many people don't know how I feel and they don't know that it will be ok. Only God knows. I know I need to rely upon him. It's hard, but I feel so much more alone when I don't have the spirit. I'm not alone. My family is not alone. My daddy is not alone. God has us all in his arms right now and he won't leave us alone.

We're having a fast on Sunday for my dad, for his doctors, for the tests he's going through etc. I know that fasting works. We may not get exactly what we want, but it's God's will and I'll do it. I have been reminded so many times in the last 2 days how grateful I am for eternal families. I know that if God chooses to take my daddy away from me, that I will see him again someday. I know I'll see my sister again someday too. I know if my dad leaves this life too early that he'll be waiting with his precious daughter Shelby for the rest of the family to join them. I have faith though that my dad will pull through. He's one of the bravest and toughest people that I know. He loves life, he loves my mom, he loves me and all of my family. He won't give up without a fight, and he will fight until he can't fight anymore. Cancer sucks and he is going to kick it's butt and kick it hard! (That is what he told us yesterday shortly after telling us about his diagnosis.)

I'm asking anyone and everyone who reads this blog to join me and my family in fasting and praying this Sunday, May 3rd, if you feel so inclined to do so. We can use all of the spiritual help and encouragement as we canget. My dad is a good man. He is a loyal and humble man. He is a fighter! I know that Heavenly Father is with my family at this difficult time. Prayers are answered and I know that God is watching over us as we struggle with this mountain that has been put before us.